


Don't Let Me Drown

by TheFatCrazyCat



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Abuse, Depression, F/F, First chapter is really short fyi, Highschool AU, Human AU, I might add more main-ish characters, i am trash, lapidot traaaaaaash, possible trigger warning
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-10-26
Updated: 2015-10-26
Packaged: 2018-04-28 05:02:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 7,169
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5078836
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheFatCrazyCat/pseuds/TheFatCrazyCat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Peridot is convinced she has the crappiest life in the world. Her parents don't care, she's bullied past her limits at school. A new girl comes to the school from another town and shows her that everything will be alright.</p><p>First fanfic omg don't judge (I'm just joking throw as many tomatoes at it as you want)</p><p>Trigger warning for alcohol, abuse, depression. I attempted to make it as realistic as possible (more for the depression bit because I have a friend who deals with the same type thoughts in their head). Don't be afraid to tell me if it IS wrong because I will try to fix it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Worst Day Ever (Prologue)

**Author's Note:**

> Mmm this chapter was supposed to be short. It was kinda like an intro or something. I try to keep the rest of them above 1000 words.
> 
> \- TFCC

Peridot carelessly threw her bag on the floor and collapsed onto her bed. Another day with countless bullies and disappointed teachers. She wanted to cry, and in fact, that's pretty much what she did. She didn't make any noises, but salty tears made their way down her cheeks. 

When would the torment stop? Summer didn't feel like it was getting any closer. Even if she was cut off from school, they knew her social networks, and figured she'd be staring at a threat aimed at her some point during the break.

She tried being a nobody. She tried to stand up for herself. Neither worked at all. Home wasn't much better. Her parents either didn't care about her or were out drinking or something. That or they were fighting. At first it was disheartening to hear them yelling at each other, or when they weren't there for her, but it only went downhill from there. Thoughts ran through her head like "It's my fault they act like this" and "What would've happened if I never happened?". Of course she never told anybody about this, since no one would seem to care. What was she supposed to do? She had no friends, her parents didn't care, she didn't have a therapist. At least three different groups of jerks bullied her every day. 

Peridot dried the tears from her cheeks and say up. She glanced at her desktop computer, a few lights blinking. She decided if she played some of her favourite video games, she could get her mind off of those terrible thoughts. 

She pressed the 'on' button and the monitor flashed to life. She decided on Team Fortress 2. Before Peridot could even settle into her chair, a window popped up, explaining the file was corrupted. That could only mean her progress was gone.

It was officially the worst day ever.


	2. New Girl

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peridot meets you-know-who. This chapter's longer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mmmm no romantic Lapidot yet but I can't just jump right on top of it ;) also yees, I meant the abuse warning.
> 
> PS: I make the chapters short so they don't take as long to read - my stories tend to be quick things to read (even though this one might get emotional).

The blond-haired girl took a deep breath as she stepped onto the school grounds. Another day. Maybe today she would get a black eye. It occasionally happened. 

As soon as she stepped into the crowd, a familiar snappy voice called out for her. She cringed as the collar of her neck was pulled from behind. Definitely Jasper.

"Hey nerd." The big girl cackled.

"You're going to have to come up with a better insult than that." She said, secretly wishing Jasper actually wouldn't. 

"Never mind that," Jasper growled as she picked Peridot by the collar. The shorter girl should've been paying attention to protecting herself, but her gaze attached to a girl she could see across the yard. She had never seen her before, she must've been new. The girl had brown hair with dyed blue tips. She was looking back at Peridot. The abnormally short geek didn't really want the girl to see her in that situation, but by now everyone had, and what chance did she have making friends with someone like her?

"Hey idiot!" Jasper's gruff voice snapped her back to her awful reality.

"What?"

"I asked for your lunch money!"

"I don't have any."

Jasper snarled. "You think I'm gonna believe that?" 

"I really don't!" Peridot cringed, really to be hit in the face by something.

Jasper dropped Peridot to the ground, temporarily phasing out her tailbone. Just when she thought she was off the hook, Jasper started to dig though her bag and dump some thing out. A few moments later, she grumbled and looked up.

"You got off easy this time." Her abnormal yellow eyes narrowed as she walked away. 

Peridot looked back to where the new girl was, but she was gone. She sniffled and started to pick up her things.

\---

The lunch bell rang as Peridot snapped out off her daydreaming. She cursed to herself when she realized she didn't take notes again. She hurried out the door before her physics teacher could give her another lecture.

She didn't have a lunch, and her house was too far away, so she just sat against a wall outside of the giant school. She had been half-limping for the morning because of the drop from Jasper. It hurt a lot, but she'd been through worse, and not all from her bully.

"Hey," An unfamiliar voice said. Peridot looked up from her phone and was surprised to see the new girl.

"Hi." She said. "I didn't expect you to be here."

"Yeah.." She looked away. "Listen, sorry I didn't help you with that big girl."

Peridot blinked. "You-you wanted to help me?"

She looked at her in surprise. "Why wouldn't I?"

"I dunno, I guess I'm just not used to it." She sighed. "I've been going to this god damned school for three years and not a single person has helped me."

"That's awful." The girl licked her lips from the cold air. "My name's Lapis." She said as she sat down beside the loner.

"M-my name's Peridot." She responded, taken aback by the kindness.

"Ha, we already have something in common!" Lapis giggled as she nudged the blonde.

"Do we?" 

"Yeah, we're both named after gemstones." Lapis replied.

"Oh," She paused for a few seconds. "What brings you to Beach City High School?"

She shrugged. ""It was getting tough on our area so my parents thought it would do it some good if I started fresh at this school." She explained. "And apparently it's a nice area."

Peridot swallowed hard. "Heh, your parents really care about you, don't they?"

"So much that they wanted to move to a completely different town, I guess." Lapis said, showing an adorable smile.

"Must be nice." Peridot breathed, wishing she hadn't said that.

"What do you mean?" Lapis asked, tilting her head slightly.

The shorter girl half fake-coughed. "Nothing."

"I noticed you don't have a lunch." Lapis said.

"Uh, yeah, I usually don't." She crossed her arms as a breeze passed through.

"You can have some of mine." 

"W-what?" Peridot at this point could not believe her ears. Was she actually serious? "No one's ever been this nice to me before..."

Lapis shrugged. "It's nothing, I usually don't eat all of it anyways."

"I can tell." Peridot muttered under her breath, since she seemed to be almost too skinny to be human.

Lapis elbowed her in the side, giggling. "I heard that."

Peridot made sure to add "razor sharp hearing" to what she new about her new friend for future purposes.

Lapis passed Peridot some food, in which she hadn't seen in awhile. She hadn't eaten lunch in such a long time that her stomach wanted to throw it back up, but if Lapis kept doing this, she could get used to it. 

"This is really good." Peridot muttered as she chewed.

"My mom made it." Lapis replied.

"Lapis?" Peridot asked quietly.

"Yeah?"

"Thank you." Peridot said as she smiled. Smiled like she hadn't in years.

\---

When Peridot got home that day, she didn't cry on her bed. The day after the worst, she had possibly the best day of her life. Someone was actually nice to her, and she helped her. She felt giddy inside, excited she finally had a friend.

The excitement was short lived when she heard the door open and then slam closed. Her dad was home.

The rhythm of his footsteps suggested he was drunk, like always. She had memorized it. 

"PERIDOT!" He yelled out.

"Yeah?" She asked, much quieter then the latter. She heard him stomp up the stairs, grumbling words to himself. 

"Did you t-take the ten dollars from my wallet?" He asked, slurring most of his words.

"Nope." She shook her head, telling the truth.

He narrowed his eyes. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah, I didn't have a lunch today...like every day." She responded.

"Don't use that tone with me!" He boomed.

"Or WHAT?!" She yelled back.

Peridot immediately regretted her choice of words as white flashed across her vision. She gripped her chin and cried out in pain. Her dad simply grumbled and stumbled down the stairs. She felt her eyes burn as her jawbone started to throb.

This wasn't the first time, no. Peridot started to sob from her father's powerful punch. She didn't bother to change, but fell asleep with dried tears on her face.


	3. School

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peridot makes her way to her first class about ten minutes late and it only gets worse from there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for the positive feedback/constructive critisizm! It means a lot :)!
> 
> Not much Peridot/Lapis interaction this chapter, but ey, there will be in the future.

Peridot's eyes opened slowly to the sound of her alarm clock. Her tailbone still hurt a little, but her left jaw was burning in pain. She had mixed thoughts going through her head like "I wish yesterday had never happened", but she countered herself by saying she would've never met Lapis if it didn't. Besides, she'd gone to school with worse.

The slacker dragged herself out of bed, causing her to groan from the sudden tailbone pain. She edged towards the bathroom, and when she did, she cringed at what she saw in the mirror. A big black and blue bruise had spread across her left jawbone during the night. It hurt too much to touch. The poor blonde felt her life slowly falling apart, like everyone treated it like a candy wrapper. The best part was already taken away and nothing appeared to be left. She often questioned that maybe they were right. What did she even have left?

Lapis.

Her name kept running through her mind. She showed kindness to her. That had to mean something. 

Peridot sighed and stumbled down the stairs. Her mom or dad were nowhere in sight. Like always. She assumed they were out being stupid somewhere in the town. She wanted to be close to them. She really did, but they made it close to impossible due to the fact that they were never around. The bruise that sat on her jaw explained how her dad felt about her. Peridot told herself it was only because he was always drunk, but he always was, so what was the point of thinking of him otherwise? He had done this before but never to her face. This time he didn't care if people would see. 

\---

When Peridot entered school grounds, she surprisingly didn't run into Jasper. It must've been one of those days where she showed up carelessly late. After all, she basically cheated her way through high school and impressed everyone by being the captain on every sports team known to man.

When she entered the school itself, a few glances were set on her, but none of them seemed to be worrisome, even though they were looking at the unattractive mark on her jawline. She pushed up her glasses, cleared her throat and kept walking. She cursed to herself when the period bell rang, and she was two floors lower than her current class. She cursed again at how big the school was and rushed towards the stairs. 

While Peridot climbed the seemingly never-ending stairs, she had only just thought about what to tell her teacher if she asked about the bruise. She could've come up with the excuse that Jasper did it, but chances were that the next day she would have more than just that one mark. She finally decided on flipping her hood up, basically obscuring her jaw. 

Everyone's heads snapped towards the doorway as the blonde entered. She sighed as Mrs. Morrison muttered "Peridot. Late again.". She sat down in her seat with multiple pairs of eyes staring at her. The grumpy teacher continued her lesson, explaining theorems that Peridot had heard many time before. She was flunking math rather terribly, regardless of her knowledge. The geek was either being pulled away from her homework by her parents (which usually didn't end well), or too distracted by her own struggling thoughts. Thoughts that she couldn't control. For three years she had hoped the suicidal-like thoughts were just a phase that she would live through. She often wondered what have happened if Jasper never moved to the same high school. If her parents didn't become abusive or alcoholic. If she had friends. That was as happy as she could think, but she would dip even lower when she remembered that she didn't have those things, and had the complete opposite of that. She didn't feel much of anything anymore, but some marks on her wrists could've proved otherwise. It was almost subconscious though. It almost made her upset that no one had even opened their mouths to ask about the bruise that still happened to be giving her a massive head ache.

Peridot's mind wandered to Lapis again. Maybe she would share her lunch again. She really hoped she would, since her mom made such good food. 

The loud bell rang, and the teacher mumbled something about a test tomorrow, which Peridot basically ignored unintentionally. She wandered out the door, but before she could make her way towards Physics, Mrs. Morrison stopped her.

"Miss Peridot." She crowed. "You're behind on three assignments and a test I have a feeling you haven't studied for is tomorrow!" Her nagging fell on almost deaf ears, the student basically nodding her head as she centred her attention on something right behind Mrs. Morrison. 

"Sorry Mrs. Morrison." Peridot mumbled, kicking the ground.

"Make sure you work on those tonight, because you're flunking right now." Peridot nodded slightly, turned around and made her way to physics, which she was probably late for by now, too.

\---

Physics made no sense to Peridot. She couldn't recall how she ended up taking it for another year, but it was most likely because she chose random courses, only making sure to skip French and physical education, since they only lowered her mental state. 

Mr. Blake than did the worst thing possible in that very moment.

"Peridot, can you please calculate the net force acting on the object on the whiteboard please?" He then gave her a smile that could only mean 'Oh yes, I know you haven't been paying attention'. 

"Uh.." Peridot licked her lips, and had not paid attention that whole unit, therefor had no idea what he was talking about. 

"I see Peridot here doesn't know the question." He chuckled. "Can someone please fill our fellow student in by answering this question? Rebecca?"

The girl smiled. "872 N ; at rest." 

"Thank you, Becca!" He turned to Peridot. "It might do you some good to do some studying tonight."

"Sure, Mr. Blake." The blonde sighed, wishing she could escape the hell that was school, for good. He smiled and continued his lesson, filling in the answer that Rebecca had given him.

Just as he was finishing up, the lunch bell rang, and Peridot found herself shoving everything on her desk into her green bag. In no way was she eager to eat her non-existent lunch, but perhaps a certain someone else would be willing to share. 

She walked down the hall alone, while the popular girls filtered into their groups. Still no Jasper, thankfully. She must've had the feeling that today wasn't going anywhere and stayed home. She passed the frequent jock making out with the skinny chick every once and awhile. Just her luck, there was two of them nearly blocking her locker. After some squirming and slight pushing (resulting in an elbow in the ribs from the jock), she had managed to put all her stuff away and head for the spot where Peridot saw Lapis yesterday.

\---

"I was waiting for you." Lapis said as Peridot approached, hands stuffed in her sweatshirt pockets. 

She mumbled some sort of appreciation to her and sat down. It took a matter of a second for Lapis to notice the giant bruise on Peridot's jaw.

"What happened to your face?" She asked with deep concern. "Did Jasper do that?"

"N-no.." Peridot looked away, clenching her teeth, which unfortunately made the pain even worse.

"Who did it, then?"

"I don't want to talk about it."

"Maybe if you told me, I could help." Lapis said.

"There's...no way in hell you're going to be able to help me." Peridot muttered. 

"I can at least try, can't I?" She asked.

"I appreciate the optimism, but I assure you, you're only going to get yourself hurt by trying to help."

"It's better than just letting you suffer." Lapis said. Peridot then stayed silent. She kept herself from telling Lapis what had really happened, even though she really wanted to. She knew that she wanted to help, but in her cloudy mind, she couldn't see at all how it would end well.


	4. Etched

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peridot accidentally lets out the truth. (Trigger warning)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1\. Sorry for the long wait! I've been busy!  
> 2\. This chapter might seem a little crappy to some people, because believe it or not it's hard to write Peri's depression when you don't have it yourself (I AM NOT ASKING FOR DEPRESSION DONT TAKE IT THAT WAY). Her depression, if you haven't figured it out yet, is a weird balance between feeling nothing and extreme emotional pain.  
> 3\. Trigger warning!! I took some liberties in this chapter, be careful! 
> 
> Ps: I didn't check for typos and errors, sorry :/

Peridot stared at the fresh etched marks on her wrist. The pain was almost unbearable and her eyes had threatened to leak tears. Yet it distracted her from the pain inside. Her hand tightened around the knife's handle, but when she couldn't hold on any more, she dropped it, and collapsed on her bed. The absent-mindedness of what she had just done made her feel like garbage worthy of throwing out. She had never actually attempted suicide, but this was one of the closest things to it. 

A little bit of blood stained her bedsheets, that hadn't been washed in months, but her mind quickly settled on the thought that if anyone even noticed, they wouldn't care. 

Peridot jumped as her lime green phone buzzed. She reached over and picked it up. An unknown number had sent her a message. It simply said "Hey.". 

"Who are you?" She texted back.

"I'm Lapis, silly." They responded.

"How did you get my number??"

"It's amazing what social network can do :|"

"Can this be considered stalking"

"NO"  
"Has your bruise gone away?"

"No"  
"I don't think it'll go away for awhile."

"I wanna help u know."  
"Peridot"  
"U there?"

Peridot has fallen asleep, her phone slowly slipping out of her hand, slipping a little bit faster with each buzz. This Sunday was not spend well.

\---

"How'd your physics test go?" Lapis asked before taking a bite of her sandwich.

"Probably terrible." Peridot shrugged.

"You need to be a more positive person." Lapis scoffed.

"I've tried."

Lapis wriggled around in her spot, attempting to take off her sweatshirt. After a few moments of uncomfortable struggling, she achieved her goal and threw it a few feet away.

"Shouldn't you take off your sweater?" Lapis asked. "It's getting pretty hot out."

"N-no!" Peridot exclaimed a little too loud as her hand latched on to her opposite wrist. 

"Why not?"

"'Cause I like my sweater." She lied. 

"Aren't you hot?" 

"Yes."

Lapis rolled her eyes. "Whatever. I won't question your strange ways." The two girls sat in silence for the next few minutes. 

"Peridot?" Lapis asked.

"What?"

"Can I see your face?"

"Well, you are looking at it." Peridot said, surprised that she managed to make a decent joke off the top of her head. Lapis really was doing something to her.

"No you ding dong." Lapis giggled. "Let me see that noticeable giant bruise."

"No."

"Why not? Everyone else has the privilege of seeing it." Lapis said.

"So? Doesn't mean I want them to."

"Don't you trust me, your friend, more than all those jerks?"

"I don't have any friends."

"I'll choose not to take offence to that." Lapis responded, clearly taken aback slightly.

"Sorry." Peridot said. "I wouldn't be a very good friend though." 

"Who said?" Lapis said, smiling. "You seem like a pretty good one so far. Aside from the fact that you won't tell me a single thing about yourself."

Peridot shrugged. "I'm not a very interesting person."

"That doesn't matter," The taller girl said. 

Peridot let out a huff. "Fine. I'm only doing this because you're annoying."

"Thanks." Lapis mumbled.

"I get physically bullied by Jasper, verbally bullied by everyone else, and the people who don't probably talk about me behind my back." Peridot started. "I don't see my parents very often and I haven't really had a good friend in forever." She said, leaving out the alcoholic and abusive part about her mom and dad, since Lapis would only obsess out her life even more.

"Wow." Lapis breathed. "That sounds awful."

Peridot rolled her eyes. "I could show you awful." She said, once again wishing she hadn't let her stupid mouth talk.

"What do you mean?"

Peridot ran a hand through her hair. "I don't want to talk about it."

"It's not like I'm going to react negative towards it."

"I wouldn't want you to react positively to it either."

"Have your parents ever been drunk?"

Lapis blinked. "I mean, I guess they've had a few sips of a drink at parties and stuff."

Peridot growled. "Why is your life so perfect?!" 

"It isn't-" Lapis started.

"It is to me!" She yelled, eyes glossing over slightly. "I would KILL to live your life!"

She started to pick at one of her older scars further up her arm. "All I've ever wanted was to be closer to my parents, but ever since grade 8, they never stop drinking, and worst of all," She paused. "Worst part is, they do this to me!" She pointed at the big bruise on her face.

Before Lapis could respond, Peridot got up just as the bell rang. Without saying goodbye, she headed back inside the school.

"Peridot, wait!" Lapis called out, but she either couldn't hear her, or didn't want to.

What had Lapis gotten herself into?

\---

Peridot pushed the doors open and prepared to walk home from school. As soon as she stepped outside, the humid heat hit her like a wall. She hesitated before pulling off her thick sweat shirt. No one would notice, right? And if they did, no one would care. The scars weren't that visible. Perhaps if she hadn't told Lapis she wouldn't have appeared behind her.

"Peridot, wait!" Lapis called out.

"No!" Peridot replied.

"You can't just tell me what you did and walk away!"

"But I did."

"And I was thinking about it for the whole day, Peridot." Lapis said. "I want to think you're joking but clearly not."

The taller girl grabbed Peridot's wrists. 

"Don't do this to yourself." She said.

"Why not? It's not like anything else if better."

"This doesn't go away! These will be on your skin forever." She said. "Things might get better, but this will stay forever. Why didn't you tell me?"

Peridot hesitated. "I thought you would think I was crazy." She said as her shoulders slouched.

"No no no no no." Lapis shook her head. "I think you need to see what it's like to live like me...like you wanted."

"What?"

"You're coming to my house, and then you're telling me everything."

Before Peridot could protest, Lapis dragged her by the wrist (despite her complaints about touching one of her recent cuts) to her house.


	5. Flashbacks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peridot tells Lapis how it all began in the comfort of the blue haired girl's home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is short-ish compared to the rest (I'm pretty sure) because it's all about Peridot's past and such. Sorry for the long waits.

"Do you want me to make your lunch, Peridot?" 

"No mom, I'm in high school. I can just buy from the cafeteria." Peridot responded, rolling her eyes.

"Okay, well here's ten dollars. Will it be enough?" Her mom asked.

"More than enough." She said as her eyes widened.

"Okay..call me if you need anything." She said as Peridot packed her bag. "Try not to get lost."

"I'll try." 

All of Peridot's elementary school friends happened to spread out to different high schools, so she was going in on this alone. They were all gamer shut-ins so she never saw them during the summer, but texted and Skyped quite a lot. 

As she walked out the door, she pulled out her green phone and opened Messages.

"Have fun at school" She texted her best friend.

"Thanks man ;) ttyl" 

Peridot smiled and continued walking. Maybe things wouldn't be so bad.

\---

Peridot stared at the grey text message. 

"I haven't gotten a text message from him since."

"What about your other friends?" Lapis asked.

"We didn't talk as much as Mark and I, but I haven't really talked to them in forever either." Peridot sighed. "In fact it's been awhile since I've actually had a pleasant conversation with someone. So thanks for that, I guess."

"Any time." Lapis smiled. "The rest doesn't sound too bad."

"Yeah well, that was before everything happened." Peridot said as she rubbed her bruise.

"Continue."

"Well, I got to school that day, and came to know Jasper. She's a year older than me, so when we met, she thought she could mess with me, the 'nerd', but as the days worn on, her behaviour got more... 'bully-ish.'" The blonde said. "I didn't have anyone to back me up, either. At that point it was me against every single other person in the school, and it sucked."

\---

Peridot jolted upright from her computer to the noise of a loud bang. She crept downstairs, wondering what it was. She was surprised to find her dad, wobbling with every step. 

"Dad?" She asked quietly. She then noticed a bottle of something, presumably alcohol of some kind. "Bad day at work?" Peridot asked. She had heard of him drinking after a bad day, but not that much. He slunk by, not acknowledging her existence.

"I got a 96% on my French test.." She muttered. 

"That's great honey." He finally said. 

It wasn't long before he was passed out on the couch. Peridot wasn't sure if she should've woke him up or let him sleep. She eventually decided on leaving him be, since she had homework to do. 

\---

"That's how it started." Peridot shrugged. "I guess."

"You were doing so good in school." Lapis said 

she shrugged again. "Things got worse from there. My dad dragged my mom into drinking and soon enough I never really saw them like I used to." She sighed. "My grades started to drop and then my dad threw the first punch."

\---

Peridot cried out in pain. That had never happened before. She put a hand over her eye, which was now aggressively throbbing. She looked for some sort of remorse in his eyes, but only saw alcohol. 

\---

Peridot glanced at Lapis' wrists and then back at hers. "My parents aren't on my back all the time anymore and I can't even get that right." She covered her eyes with her hands. "I'm not sure what's wrong with me."

"Peridot.." 

"Before you moved here, it was just day by day, deal with the pain," She gestured to her cuts. "But since you've been here, I've felt the need for my life to be so much better, but I know I can't and it makes me feel worse."

"That certainly wasn't my intention." Lapis said, staring downwards.

"My parents fight a lot. Sometimes I feel like it's my fault." Peridot shrugged.

"You know that's not true." Lapis replied. "They sounded like really nice people before...that happened."

Peridot chuckled, but she didn't look happy. "It's funny. All these years I've kept to myself but you've made me basically tell my life story like it's nothing." She said.

Lapis felt herself blush. "In a weird way, I feel honoured."

There was a short silence in which Peridot started to trace her cuts and Lapis twirled her hair.

"You know there's nothing wrong with you." Lapis said.

"Then how do you explain what j do to myself?" Peridot countered.

"I don't know." Lapis said. "But you've made it this far and that's something to be proud of."


	6. Late Night Chatter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's exactly what it sounds like- Peridot and her new friend have a late night talk about her issues.

Happy. The word and feeling was almost foreign to Peridot. It was something she felt when either of her parents hugged her, or when someone in general talked to her without insulting a tiny detail about her. One could understand why it was a huge sigh of relief for her when she felt that very feeling around Lapis. She also worried though. Why was this one girl she met three days ago filling her with so much hope?

Perhaps everything would be alright.

\---

Peridot's dad grabbed her wrist, completely ignoring what otherwise should've been worthy of worry, and tossed her carelessly across the living room. She crashed into a chair and fell to the ground. She cried out in pain, asking why he would do such a thing. He didn't reply, but started to lumber towards her. 

From there, everything happened in slow motion. He drew back a fist, and as soon as it hit her jaw, the world around her started to crack apart. Sound became muffled and her vision blurred. From tears or some other unknown reason, she wasn't sure. Memories flew by her eyes. 

"You're failing English." One of her old teacher bellowed with a disappointed look.

"Just..you know...do better. It's not that difficult, really. Well, unless you're you." A classmate laughed and soon the whole room joined in. Peridot even the teacher crack a grin. She still didn't understand how it could become that funny. 

Other faint painful memories flashed by her face, faster and faster, each on hurting her physically more Imani more until her breaking point.

\---

Peridot's emerald green eyes snapped open as she screamed. Her eyes darting around, wondering where on earth she was. She was on a bed, one much for softer then what she was used to. Soon after she woke up, she felt someone else touch her.

"Peridot, it's okay!" It was Lapis.

"What..H-how did I get there?" Peridot asked through laboured breaths. Salty tears escaped from her eyes.

"You-you stayed overnight!" Lapis replied, hugging her a little tighter.

Peridot was shaking, a little bit too much for her own comfort, and leaned in more to Lapis. She took in a sharp inhale and quickly noticed how good Lapis smelled. Her laboured breath calmed over time, her quiet weeps subsiding along with it.

"Everything's alright." Lapis whispered. 

"I don't wanna go home, Lapis." Peridot whimpered. Lapis didn't respond, she only laid down, with the other girl practically on top of her. It was awkward for her but she pushed it to the back of her mind.

"Why not?"

"He's going to hurt me again." Peridot said. "Like every time. She hiccuped a few times.

"Peridot, we need to tell someone about this." She replied. "Specifically people who can help."

"No." Peridot said. "It'll only make it difficult for you."

"It doesn't matter...living knowing my friend deals with this eats at me." Lapis said as she took Peridot's wrists in her hands and traced a scar with her thumb.

"It's not okay to live like this."

"Maybe it is— it's not like anyone would miss me if I wasn't around." She said.

"Shut up! Don't think like that!" Lapis almost-yelled. 

Truth be told she didn't know how to think otherwise. She had been told that everyone, even the happiest person in the world, had thought at least once what the world would be like without them. If they suddenly just disappeared. 

Yet Peridot always took it one step further.

How would she do it? Where would she do it? Why would she do it? 

The last question had never been fully answered in Peridot's mind. Perhaps it was too clustered or messed up to come up with them. She had answered the other two multiple times, and didn't hesitate to admit to herself that she almost tried one of the options. Maybe it was the stress of her sad life, or the bullying, or the abuse. But it always wavered. One thing was certain, that it always burned at the back of her mind, waiting for the perfect moment. 

It would be slightly delayed now that Lapis was around. Maybe cancelled. But something about crying in her arms after a nightmare about a previous abuse made her want to fall apart, if she wasn't already. 

"Haven't you thought about it? At least once?" Peridot asked.

"About what?"

"What would happen if you died. Like, how people would react."

Lapis hesitated before responding. Was it even good to fuel Peridot's ideas? Perhaps it was good to let her know she wasn't alone in the world. "Yeah, I suppose. I'd like to think that people would miss me, but I'm not sure."

"Do you think people would miss me?"

Lapis blinked. She couldn't like and say that her parents would miss her, considering Peridot was smarter than that. Perhaps her other family members?

"What about your other family members?"

"I haven't talked to any in years." She said. "Not since before..this."

"You're not making this any easier for me." Lapis replied with a dead-panned look.

"It's the truth. And besides, no one cares about me, and you know it."

Lapis let out a huff of air and narrowed her eyes.

"I care about you."

"Well yeah, but you're just one person." Peridot said, brushing off the comment. "How many people do you think care about you"

"Peridot, stop comparing yourself to me." She said. "I'll have you know I don't have any friends here except you."

"Well that's because you've been here for like, one week. I've been here for three years and no one has had the interest in talking to me."

"Well you're not the most lovable person." Lapis muttered, rolling her eyes. The shorter girl growled at her.

After that, the two laid in silence until the blue-haired girl realized it was 2AM on a Tuesday morning.

"We should go back to bed." Lapis said. Peridot mumbled something before they both turned opposite ways and fell back asleep. The troubled one of the two quickly experienced the same nightmare, but did not wake up until morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was pretty short and fuuulllll of dialogue..and at driest I didn't know how to end it so yeeaah
> 
> Sorry for the wait, once again!


	7. Get Out Of Bed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lapis drags Peridot out of bed after many days of 'missing'.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is SUUUPER short but I wanted to get something out in the midst of my busyness, so have fun reading this five second chapter... :)

Months passed. Despite Lapis' positive attitude having an effect on Peridot, her mental health was only worsening. Although it was getting worse, Peridot was starting to feel like the blue (faded) haired girl actually knew her. 

There were the days where she couldn't bring herself to get out of bed, and days where age would jolt out of bed in the middle of the night because of her nightmares. The nights where she stayed at Lapis' were a bit better, like that one Monday night. Peridot kept flunking her tests and assignments like always, but Lapis was trying to help. 

One day, for an entire week, Peridot wouldn't show up at school or answer Lapis' texts. Not good. Lapis started to get worried. After school on a Friday, she made her way to Peridot's house. The whole way there, she couldn't help but wonder the possibilities of what was happening. None of them were very good. She couldn't loose Peridot. After coaxing her away from the edge of giving up so many times, it couldn't end like this.

When Lapis arrived at the other girl's house, she simply had to push the door open. It was never locked because only God knew what responsibilities Peridot's parents still actually possessed. 

Praying that Peridot's parents weren't home, she entered the house. The hard wood floor squeaked as she placed footsteps. Lapis called her name out, not fully expecting an answer, but doing it anyways. She made her way up the stairs and towards Peridot's room. She walked inside and saw the geek laying on her green bed, eyes closed. Green an blue bruises dotted her skin, and a bit of dried blood came from her mouth.

"Peridot!" Lapis shouted, a mix of anger and sadness erupting from her voice.

Peridot jolted awake. She looked around and set her eyes on Lapis.

"What are you doing here?" She asked, eyes narrowing slightly.

"I was worried sick about you, you piece of shit!" Lapis yelled as her eyes started to water.

Peridot didn't say anything. 

"I _know_ you think no one cares about you, but guess _what?!_ " she paused. "I care about you! I care about you more than anyone else probably has in a long time!" Lapis wanted to cry. If she wasn't already. 

Peridot sat up. "If you care about me so much, why didn't you come sooner?" She asked.

"I don't know," Lapis replied. 

From her sitting up position, Peridot flopped back on her bed.

"Oh no you don't!" Lapis growled.

She wrapped her hands around the other girl's wrists and pulled her up. She hissed from slight pain and the fact that Lapis was making her do things. 

As she got up, Lapis started to notice how pale and skinny she looked.

"Do me a favour and tell me the last time you ate or generally got out of bed..." She said. Peridot stayed quiet.

"Oh my God." She put a hand to her face and sighed. 

Lapis pulled her into the bathroom and quickly washed the blood from the corner of Peridot's mouth and then brought her to the kitchen, almost letting her fall down the stairs.

"Lapis, stop obsessing over me." Peridot whined. "I can take care of myself."

"Well clearly not." She replied. "Plus, I care about you." 

The other girl started to feel flustered at the comment, but pushed it to the back of her mind. Peridot ate up the breakfast Lapis had seemingly whipped up from nowhere, and quickly felt sick. She barely but successfully kept it down. After two days of not eating and suddenly that, it was nauseating. After Lapis noticed her sickness she sarcastically suggested the 'whole food ordeal more often', trying to get her to laugh. 

She smiled a little. "Some day I'll make my own food, by the way."

Lapis may have thought that Peridot was improving after so many months of her downer attitude. Peridot did not tell her many things like how it hurt to make every small move, how it hurt to think about Lapis and her current state of living and most importantly how much she didn't feel any better.


	8. Just Let It Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lapis catches Peridot in time before the unthinkable (for Lapis) happens. What follows after is counciling for them both, but the blue haired girl wonders if it helped at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oKAAAAY SO sorry for abandoning this story for like three or four months!!
> 
> I went to my Ao3 inbox today after awhile and a few people really wanted me to continue, so here it is. It's kind of short, but I felt like I needed to get something out.
> 
> Regarding the end of the chapter, I am NOT romanticizing (don't get your hopes up for romance yet, but it'll happen soon) trauma/depression because it's sick and wrong. What Lapis does is just very chaste and is only an attempt to make Peri feel better. It's annoying for everyone (including me) that I have to keep saying stuff like this, but I really, really, really don't want to offend anyone with this, so I'm just being careful.
> 
> Sorry for typos I might've missed :/
> 
> Edit: my tumblr is TheFatCrazyCat in case you want to bother me about this fic on there.

_"I can't do this anymore"_

Lapis started at the grey text message Peridot had sent. 

_"I know you tried but one more blow from them and I might die anyways"_

As she read that text, she dropped her phone on the hard kitchen floor. She heard a button, possibly the volume button, break. All of it rendered useless to her ears though. She wanted to run. She wanted to cry. She had to help her. She _had_ though. She had tried.

It didn't matter. She would keep trying until the day she died.

She quickly scooped up her blue phone, ignoring the dent in the side, and shot out the door.

-

Completely ignoring Peridot's parents' normal absence, she raced up the driveway and burst through the front door. She frantically called out her name multiple times, but didn't receive an answer. She refused to believe she was too late. She checked almost every room in the house, and when she was about to give up, she opened the bathroom door. 

Inside was Peridot. In some shape or form. She rested her back against the vanity with her knees tucked up to her chest. On both her wrists her fresh and bleeding cuts that made Lapis want to gag. She even had two on her neck. She had multiple green bruises once again from her parents and Jasper. Her expression screamed _help me._

" _Peridot!_ " Lapis yelled. 

Peridot was startled back to reality, her glossy eyes returning to normal.

Lapis started to cry. She cried a lot more than she should've since she was the one whose skin wasn't engraved with pain. She cried for Peridot, who felt no emotions— only emptiness. Before she even knew what she was doing, she was on her knees in front of her, crying enough for the both of them. 

After Lapis controlled herself, she took Peridot by the wrists. Dark red blood smeared all over her palms but it was honestly the least of her worries at that moment.

"Why?" Lapis asked. 

"I can't explain." Peridot simply answered.

"Something. Give me anything."

"I've tried to explain. There's j-just so much that I'm so done with...that I don't want to _be_ anymore." Peridot ran her hands through her messy hair.

Peridot waited for a reply from Lapis as she started to etch her skin with the edge of the knife.

"Stop it, stop it!" Lapis grabbed the blade out of her hand. "I can't stand you hurting yourself like this!"

"Well it's been happening for the past seven months!" Peridot blurted.

"And you think I was okay with it all that time?!" Lapis' eyes welled up with tears. 

"I'm going to be honest with you. I don't know how to make depression go away. I'm not an expert at this stuff, but over the past few months, I've been trying my _damned_ hardest to keep you going." She growled. "So you better bet your ass I'm not going to let you cut your life short now!"

Peridot's green, puffy eyes flashed with sudden anger. 

"You don't know what it's like!" Peridot yelled. "My life has been literal hell for the past four years, and you've just been living your perfect happy life while I suffer!"

"I-" Her head dipped down; a few blond strands of hair coming off the top of her head tickling Lapis' chin. "I just want to be happy."

"Peridot, look at me." Lapis took her by the shoulders and narrowed her eyes. "My life isn't amazing either. But I still feel guilty as all hell when I look at you. I'm so sorry you have to go through this shit on a daily basis but you are worth _so_ much more than what you think you do." Lapis looked down and let go of Peridot's shaky arms. "I know your parents make you feel like you're worthless...and same with Jasper. But you don't need everyone to accept you to be a happy person. I know that as a fact. All you need is one friend, and I can be that friend."

The next thing Lapis knew, Peridot had tightly wrapped her arms around her slim waist. Lapis sighed as her favourite blue shirt was stained with a mix of the other girl's blood and tears, although that was honestly the least of her problems at the time. She hugged back, running her fingers through Peridot's tousled hair and whispering words of comfort in her ear. 

It was getting dark outside, but Lapis barely registered it, only the noise of crickets alerted to text her parents and tell them she was staying at a friend's house. 

The blue haired girl couldn't recall how long they sat there, letting the poor depressed girl get every single last tear out of her system.

That night, and practically every night after that, Lapis had lost a sliver of her hope. Every night was the same. It wasn't as bloody as it used to be, but her scars were still there, and it reminded her of every time she had failed to get her to stop. She didn't know what to do anymore, and Peridot refused to see someone professional. Lapis still didn't understand why, but she didn't go against Peridot's wishes. 

Lapis was fighting on the loosing side of the battle, but she didn't _stop_. She would never stop until Peridot was comfortable with her own skin, happy with what little good things she had in her otherwise broken life.

Every few nights, Lapis vaguely remembered planting a small kiss on her forehead, and her usually uncontrolled sobbing subsided slightly. 


End file.
